


Maybe death isn't that sad after all

by Bahar1182



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Sad, Sad Loki, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Angst, Thor is a jerk, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-17 13:14:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21054983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bahar1182/pseuds/Bahar1182
Summary: If you met them, you'll lose each other foreverBut you don't know that until you see themSo there's really nothing you can do about, is it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iminfactsamin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iminfactsamin/gifts).

> It's a gift to my youtube friends

He had found his soulmate.

The one, the person he could stay in a room for over 20 hours and not get bored. It was obvious that they were meant to be together. They were the same... Same smug face, same sarcastic tone, even the same dark sense of humor. Both intelligent people with broken hearts and messed up families. They would understand each other perfectly. And it's not like there was no sexual attraction. (there was, in fact, a lot! From the very first moment)

Yet, life is unfair. Fate is twisted and luck doesn't really exist. That's why Loki wasn't even surprised. That's how it goes, and there's nothing he could do about it.

It all started with Thor's birthday party. (of course, everything starts with Thor, what did you expect? He is the golden son. If this was a movie he would be the hero) Loki never had one and he certainly wasn't going to be in Thor's. He prepared to go outside as soon as he heard the first guests coming. Maybe that was his mistake. He should've left sooner or a little later. He didn't want anybody's eyes so why did he waste time on eyeliner? He could've just be gone as soon as Odin left.

Yet he stayed. He wasted time on makeup and clothing because no matter how much he hated himself, he couldn't stand to look like a homeless person. (Thor) Sometimes later Tony had told him maybe it would've been different if he didn't look as good that day.

Yes, his _soulmate _was Tony. Tony Stark. Anthony _Funcking _Stark. It's funny actually. They both knew about each other's existence but they had never looked at each other in the eyes. They never spoke directly and never have been close enough to know.

As Loki went downstairs he came across Thor's best friends. He tried to just ignore them and go, but someone stopped him by pulling his arm. "Hold on! Come on, join us!" They were empty words that he would tell anyone he found attractive. Loki knew that. Loki knew who him from all the gossips he happened to hear. But even so, he felt tight in his chest. Somehow Loki wasn't able to say no, so he ended up at the corner of the room, alone. Then again, just as he was about to leave, he was offered a drink. "Why so sad, smurf?"

Loki sighed and took the drink. "Are you a robot or something? Your words don't sound human." It made Tony laugh in a way he had never seen. Nobody had ever seen. "I mean, nobody likes real people. Isn't that the reason you're alone right now?" Loki sighed again. But he kept the conversation going.

And soon enough, the world around them faded away.

The party ended with Thor laying on the ground, a few missing bras and panties (Odin found them in his library, no one knows how they ended up there but Loki would've thanked them), and Loki smiling like an idiot.

Maybe it's not even real. Maybe they're just assuming this. It's too fictional.

But it _is _real. It feels real. It's like there's a clock in their blood, reminding them of what's decided.

Was it a dream? Did somebody whisper it in their ears while they were dreaming of each other? Does it really matter? No. Tony ran to Loki's house as soon as he woke up. It was the first Sunday since elementary school that he didn't feel hungover. So he changed and run. He needed to find Loki. He needed to make sure he wasn't crazy. Or _the only _crazy one at least.

There was a confused person standing in front of the Borson mansion. A tall one, with messy black hair and green pajamas. It was cute enough to make Tony forget about the bad things for a few seconds. Loki noticed him, god! his eyes were filled with fear! Tony didn't know what to do he was as terrified. But when he got closer he realized Loki wasn't scared. He wasn't even shocked. He was disappointed, sad. 

Tony just hugged him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come to my home, let's die together..."

Last few months just past by them laughing at everything. Everything was funny and nothing was serious. Loki would go out to spend time with Tony without caring for Odin's yelling. Tony would bring Loki home, ignoring Howard's disgusted looks. It was okay. It was funny. It didn't matter.

It wasn't that they were unhappy. They were having fun. They felt loved... belonged. But it was empty. They knew there was no happy ending. It was going to be over. Yet, Loki wasn't scared, and It scared Tony. But he didn't know a lot of things. Poor Tony. Foolish Tony.

It happened at the weekend. Tony and Loki had spent Saturday in Tony's room because Howard cared too much about his reputation to make a scene. Maybe he was scared as well, just for a different reason. He knew Tony didn't care. If Howard started anything Tony would make sure he'd be the one ending it. But Odin wasn't like that. He always accused Loki of being mischievous while he was the one teaching him. (Not really, Loki just watched and learned... but still) He knew how insecure Loki deep down was. He knew how he hated negative attention and how much he cared for Tony. This time Loki was the scared one. He didn't want Howard to hate him and didn't get why either. He kinda wished Howard hated all of Tony's lovers. So yeah, Odin used this in every way possible. It's possible that he didn't even mean to do anything further than making Loki feel bad, and it worked.

Anyway, That time Loki and Tony were drunk. It wasn't hard to find alcohol there and they didn't care anymore. That ended up with them not being careful enough. So Sif saw them, making out in the moonlight with a bottle of beer in Tony's hand and Loki smiling. So she took their photo. It was pretty good, she could've won something if she was smart enough. But she wasn't and instead, she just showed Thor.

Loki didn't mean to stay and listen to them. But he did. He heard everything, he saw the picture, he saw Thor's anger and disgust. And he started running. (Good thing Thor didn't see him) They usually didn't talk at school because Loki knew how big of a moron Thor was. So Tony was kind of happy when Loki dragged him out of his group of friends. He even winked at Rohdey and Rohdey almost laugh at how happy his friend was. If Loki was stepping out of his safe zone, that couldn't mean good. Was Tony blind or something?

He wasn't. He was ignoring the bigger picture as always. There was some unspoken agreement between them, Loki was the one who worried about everything while Tony sat back and made both of them feel better and relaxed. It worked for them and even tho Tony wanted to make Loki happier, he realized depression has become a drug for Tony. The thing that makes him sad, the thing that made him cut himself (He stopped doing that as he promised Tony. But it hurt tony whenever he saw Loki zoning out like he _needed _to do it) had become something that comforted him. It was part of Loki's safe zone. It was slowly eating him while making him addicted. Tony sometimes wondered if their relationship worked like that. He didn't want it to be true though.

Loki explained what happened. He looked so cute worrying for Tony. And his hands were shaking. Tony couldn't help smiling wich only made Loki angrier. "Why the FUCK are you laughing?" But he started laughing as well. Really, did any of it matter?

They went back to Tony's friends while holding hands. Loki knew that Tony didn't really care about most of them and found out he had all the right to. Most of them gave Loki weird looks and/or were super awkward. Nor Rohdey and Pepper though. They acted like Loki was always there. They were friendly but careful not to step in his safe zone, wich Loki was grateful for it. Maybe they were the kind of friends Loki always needed. His brother's childhood friends would ignore him since he was younger and Thor's new friends... 

he didn't know how to get close to them. And now that he did this was the outcome.

Not bad.

Thor came and asked Tony to talk to him, alone. Loki followed them anyway though. He was scared that Thor may hurt Tony, maybe he would even tell Odin and cause him more trouble. (Of course, Odin knew, but he could always put off a play just to humiliate Loki furthermore) Loki had to be ready for anything that would come across his path. Yet, he wasn't ready for this.

Thor wasn't angry at Tony. He wasn't disgusted by their sexual orientation. He was worried. For _ Tony. _It took both Tony and Loki a little while to understand what's going on. Thor thought his brother was a toxic person who was just hanging around Tony for fun. He thought Loki didn't like anybody, he even suspected Loki was only doing this to destroy Tony's image in society.

Loki's world crushed.

His _brother _should've known him better. They used to be so close.

Or were they?

He was so fucking stupid! They have ** NEVER ** been close! He was just the younger brother, Thor had to be nice to him! Why would Thor care about him? Why would Thor even love him? As the years past, they just become more distant. Why would Thor think of him as his beloved little brother? <strike>_He was just a stranger in their home._</strike>

Loki didn't stay to listen more. He couldn't stay there and watch as his brother tried to change Tony's mind.

<strike> Or maybe that's the answer. </strike>

Now it all made sense. Tony didn't have to spend his days, waiting for their ending. He could live. He _should _live! He should grow up and reach his dreams. Tony was smarter than his father. Not just that, but Tony was also genuinely more reckless and had more fun with everything. He had so much potential! It wasn't fair to waste all of it for Loki.

"Maybe I could break it..." said Loki as he slowly walked to grab his bag. "Maybe I could save him."

** ********** **

Tony did something he never thought he'd be able to. He punched _Thor_! Funny how easy it was. Thor just sat in the ground, waiting for Tony to explain. So Tony exploded. "He's your goddamn brother! How can you say these kinds of things? It's like you don't know how sad he is! Like you don't know how suicidal he..." _Shit Shit **Shit! **_That was the fucking answer! That was why Loki never seemed to care.

"Tony what are you-"

"Look, big guy. I know noticing Loki's feelings isn't your biggest strength, but we need to find him."

They looked everywhere. He wasn't anywhere to be found. Like he was a ghost or something.

Then, Tony felt a pain in his chest. It wasn't physical, it didn't stop him from running. But it was powerful and oddly familiar. Like that night...

They saw people outside. They were whispering as always, but they were also looking up. As they got closer the music became more clear.

_ My lover's got humor _

_ He's the giggle at a funeral _

They looked up as well. Loki was standing there with his phone playing the music.

_ The only heaven I'll be sent to _

_ Is when I'm alone with you _

_ I was born sick, but I love it _

Everybody only saw Loki's smile, but Tony saw how his hands were shaking, how his eyes were terrified, how he wasn't ready to do it. How he  ** wanted  ** to do it.

_ Take me to church _

_ I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies _

_ I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife _

** _ ********** _ **

"Loki!" Thor yelled. Why does he look worried? It doesn't make sense. Why does he want to ruin this beautiful moment? Loki wasn't going to make this easy for anyone. Tony came this far, after all, so Loki has to go all the way as well. Maybe he really was a drama queen. But he loved it. He knew Tony loved it too. 

_If I'm a pagan of the good times_

_My lover's the sunlight_

_To keep the god on my side_

_He demands a sacrifice_

Tony seemed amazed. Well, Loki wasn't always this enthusiastic about anything. He shouldn't be worried, he shouldn't be scared, he was going to be free of Loki. Wasn't that what he wanted? Wasn't that what everyone wanted?

_Take me church_

_I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_

_I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife_

_Offer me that deathless death_

_Good god, let me give you my life_

And then, he jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this one's longer.  
I was going to end it here but here we are, I'll write one more.

**Author's Note:**

> This was short bc I'm lazy and I might forget about it and lose my draft. Thanks for reading.


End file.
